If I had a dollar for every time I heard these words -- "I wasn't good in math either" -- I could have retired long ago. Over the course of thirty-three years of teaching and tutoring there were many parent-teacher conferences, meetings with parents after report cards were distributed, and many tutor interviews. And one thing that seemed to be consistent was this need on the part of the parents to tell me that they, too, had struggled with math. But the statement "I wasn't good in math either" always made me cringe. I don't think that parents really understand what they are saying to their child with these words.
On the elementary level, most of a school's parents attend Open House and Parent-Teacher Conferences because they are excited and deeply involved in their child's learning. That is wonderful. I wish that was equally true on the high school level. Admittedly, attendance at Open House at the beginning of the school year is high and parents are enthusiastic. But it generally doesn't take too long for that enthusiasm to wane. On the high school level, the majority of the parents wanting to speak to their child's math teacher during Parent-Teacher Conferences have children who are struggling in their math class. After every grading period ends and report cards come out, the phone calls and emails begin from worried parents. Likewise, the parents who seek out private math tutors are doing so because their child needs additional math help.
Being worried about lack of understanding and low grades and then contacting the teacher is absolutely the correct first response. It is imperative that corrective measures be taken as soon as possible. Unfortunately, in virtually every conference those 6 terrible words get spoken--in front of their child--without the parents ever understanding just how counterproductive this statement is to their child's improvement. So why do parents say it?
I truly believe that every parent wants what is best for their child. They are trying to be supportive and helpful. They are trying to alleviate depression or low self-esteem in their child. They wouldn't be meeting with the teacher or seeking extra help if this were not the case. I believe that they are trying to reassure their child that everything will be OK. They are trying to take on the responsibility for the low grade. They are trying to say "You aren't dumb. I'm the one who is dumb."
But the statement "I wasn't good in math either" which is usually followed by "He gets it from me" and/or "He comes by it naturally" actually has many negative implications. When the parent says "I wasn't good at math either," the child hears "My child is bad at math" and that often gets magnified in his mind to "My child is dumb at math because we were." The child also gets the idea that there is no hope since mom and dad did poorly.
The true implication, and by far the worst, of these 6 words is the unstated but implied permission to fail. Every time a parent says "I wasn't good in math either, the child feels no need to try to improve because mom/dad didn't improve. Your child hears "When you fail we will understand because we weren't good at math either." I don't believe for one second that any parent intends to give their child permission to fail; but teens are especially good at putting meaning into our words that we never intend.
How do we fix this? First, be honest with your child if there was a specific reason why you had difficulty with math. My mother was a "preacher's kid" and as such changed schools frequently. in one of those moves, she was forced to take Geometry without having had Algebra. She told me often about her struggles with math, but the reason was obvious and it wasn't because she was dumb. Sometimes difficulties are due to illness. Many times parents who had difficulty with math didn't do the things that might have made a difference, like go in for extra help or get a tutor. Be honest with your child.
If I had my way, that sentence would be stricken from our language. But in the meantime, always show your child that you KNOW he/she is smart enough to learn anything with the right help. Children who are smart enough to learn to walk and talk and read are smart enough to learn anything. Remind them of that fact. They don't remember how difficult those tasks were or how persistent they were. Become your child's partner in learning and success. Remove failure as an option. If those 6 words should happen to fall out of your mouth, bite your tongue, and then quickly follow with "but I know you are smarter than I was and there is help available that I didn't have." And then hire a tutor.
Shirley Slick, "The Slick Tips Lady," is a retired high school math teacher and a private tutor. With degrees in Mathematics and Psychology as well as additional training in brain-based learning and teaching, Shirley is uniquely qualified to pursue her passions of: (1) helping parents to help their children with mathematics -- specifically Algebra, (2) helping improve Algebra instruction in our schools to eliminate the horrendous Algebra failure rate, and (3) informing the general public about problematic issues related to the field of education. To compete in this global economy, everyone needs to care about the education of our children, and everyone needs to get involved. For more detailed information, for teaching tips for parents and teachers, and for your free copy of "10 Slick Tips for Improving Your Child's Study Habits," visit her website athttp://myslicktips.com/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shirley_Slick |
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