Peaceful and successful co-parenting is not always possible in every divorce situation, but it is certainly something that everyone in this position should attempt to make work for the sake of their children.
Your aim in co-parenting is to produce fairly well-adjusted children who know that they are free to love both parents equally, and that they are loved in return regardless of the domestic set up at home.
After all, studies have shown that children who are confident that they are loved at home fare better in the outside world, do not have as many discipline problems and do far better academically.
If at all possible try and arrange for the two of you to sit down and talk and agree to work together to co-parent the children and set some ground rules. This will help matters with the children to run more smoothly. If that is not possible, then try to abide by the rules yourself and hope that your ex will see the sense of taking a measured and non-confrontational approach to parenting your children.
Some basic co-parenting guidelines: The adults must function as adults - A problem between the parents should remain with the parents.
The children must be allowed to be children - The child should not be worried about paying the bills, or whether or not daddy is paying child support.
Discipline styles and rules are up to the individual - you run different homes with different rules. For the most part try to keep it consistent in both homes, but there will always be some personal preferences that differ. Show the children that you respect that things are different in the other household and that you expect them to abide by rules, whatever they are, wherever they are.
Major decisions need to be made by all parties - major being something that will have serious impact on the rest of their lives. Kids always come first - Getting revenge on each other only hurts the kids. Yelling and fighting with one another only hurts the kids. Bringing up the past only hurts the kids. Keep these things to yourself at all times. Communication is crucial - This is going to be difficult, and the closer you are to the divorce the more difficult it will be. In the beginning it is best to keep conversations short, and end them quickly if tension is building.
Whatever you do, don't use the kids to communicate for you. That isn't how adults handle problems, and that isn't allowing the child to just be a child. Well no-one said it was going to be easy, but for the sake of your children and their future happiness you will need to grit your teeth, bite your tongue and keep smiling! Good Luck!
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